Formerly Hot (or Not)

A new book hot off the press discusses the woes of a forty-year-old mother who has just discovered that she is “formerly hot.” I would love to sympathize with the author however the only time I’ve ever considered myself “hot” was when a hot flash terrorized my body for a few brief minutes.

When I was young I wanted to be cool, but my “pointy blue glasses” and orthopedic saddle shoes designed to correct my young bunions proclaimed that I was a total dork. So I’m not even formerly “cool.” As for “currently cool,” even though my bunions are no longer housed in two tone leather but instead are allowed to roam free in straw mules, they are now about as large as a third world country so it appears that I am still the Duchess of Dork.

The girls’ guide to golfers

Having grown up in corporate America, I was forced to put in my time on the golf course. After taking home a trophy for highest score, it was obvious I wasn’t slated to be a female Tiger Woods. No matter how adorable I looked in my pastel golf attire, it didn’t detract from the fact I couldn’t hit the ball more than fifty yards.

Going topless

The skies are a cloudless cobalt blue, the sun is blasting overhead, and temps are over seventy. At long last, spring has arrived in Sacramento. What better way to celebrate than removing my top.

Since I was raised in the Midwest, not the Riviera, my version of topless is taking my classic roadster out for a spin. My convertible is a classic because it’s old. Kind of like her owner. She’s also a pain in the a..

No comments please. My Jag was purchased over the internet, sight unseen, from a used car dealer in Phoenix. It was purchased for one reason only. It’s powder blue and it matches my eyes.

The iPhone and the new author

Having dropped my cell phone so many times the top and bottom halves were connected by a thread, I decided it was time to venture to the ATT store for whatever free phone they were offering. Whether it was my clueless expression or my fashionable accessorizing, the slick-haired, slick-tongued extremely young salesman (who looked more like a sales boy) pounced and immediately steered me to the iPhone section.

Shaking my head, I say, “I’m a soon to be published mystery author. All I need is a basic phone. No bells and whistles.”
“But don’t you want to read email on the go?” he replies. “I can tell you’re going to be a highly successful author. You need to keep up with your fan mail.”

Who needs Cupid?

Has Cupid wandered into your life recently? Or are you one of the many single men and women who will not be rushing into the Hallmark store at six p.m. on February 14th?

The greeting card industry, florists, and purveyors of fine chocolate taunt us year after year with the not so subtle suggestion that we can only be happy if we are one half of a couple.

Is it possible to enjoy life as a single woman or a single man? To that question all I can respond is…

Hell yes!